Teasers and Geezers
by LollerpopOfEvil
Summary: Peace has finally been embraced by the sparks and minds of all Cybertronians, and yet war still rages in the household of the medics Knock Out and Ratchet. Everyone is confused as to why they ever got bonded in the first place, but they don't know why they wouldn't. KO/Ratch fluff, an attempt at a pretty series for this under appreciated ship.
1. Early Birds Catch the Fist in the Face

**Chapter 1: **_**Early Birds Catch the Fist in the Face**_

**Plot: **So, the war between the Autobots and Decepticons is over because they had to band together when out of nowhere the Quintessons attacked. All is well, and the Cybertronians are working to rebuild their planet. This is basically the "Happy End" at the end of a visual novel or something, and it centers on Knock Out and Ratchet's relationship. No one understands it at all and everyone thinks they're miserable, but in reality they've never been happier. This whole thing is basically just senseless fluff.

This chapter basically just gives us a glimpse at their day to day life, just setting the scene. Typical first chapter stuff.

**Ships: **Knock Out/Ratchet is the main one, and I haven't solidly decided on any others. Which means suggestions are dope as butt.

**Author's Notes: **So uh this is actually really old, okay, and I edited this fairly recently but I still don't know how good it is. But I think this ship is really underappreciated and great so I had to do something. I also have a really bad track record with actually completing a series, so review and critiques would honestly be really great (not trying to pull any weird peer pressure bs, I'm just trying to be honest I guess?) But uh other than that enjoy yourselves, or at least try to? (Also, I have the next chapter written out, but don't expect the third one to show up so soon uweh)

**Warnings/Disclaimers: **do I really need to tell you people I don't own any rights to this show or anything like you should know this right

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"Oh Ratchet..." a voice purred, far too happy considering how early it was, "Ratchet, dearie, wake up..."

The medbot groaned. He was not keen on being woken up, no matter how pretty the face greeting him was. He rolled over onto his front, covering his audio receptors in annoyance. Primus, why did his bondmate have to be such an early riser?

"Oh, come on, precious, I don't want to lay here to rust all day just so you can catch your _beauty sleep!_ That'd ruin my finish! If you don't get up then I'm going to run off and _race _with my - what was it that you called them? My 'loser friends'? Come on, _please?_ I'll get you a fresh cup of energon..."

The old medbot glared up at the dainty white and red mech, a highly unamused expression broadcasted clearly through the look in his optics. Both he and his bondmate knew very well that Knock Out wasn't going to move an inch, no matter how hard he threatened otherwise.

However, it was clear to him that Knock Out _was_ planning on talking him to death, and Ratchet felt that there were definitely better ways to go. He raised one of his servos and pressed it flat against his bondmate's face, effectively shoving him off their berth with a loud yelp.

"Hey, careful, you wretched piece of rust!" he snapped in response to Ratchet's act of aggression, "You could've scratched my paint job! I really don't want anything to ruin my sunny mood on this _lovely_ morning, and neither do you," he threatened. The more diabolical of the two huffed, folding his arms in a pout.

"Knock Out, the only thing I care about right now is the fact your vocalizer is currently active," Ratchet growled, forcing himself to sit up, "I'll get up, but only if you promise to keep your trap shut," the medbot ordered sluggishly, rubbing the recharge out of his optic sensors.

"Ratchet, sweetheart, why on Cybertron wouldn't I chit-chat with my bondmate?" the sports car inquired, placing the tip of his index talon on his pale lip components. His red eyes spoke only of mischief, meaning he was in one of his moods again. Ratchet groaned inwardly; he just knew he was going to end up punching the pretty little mech later today.

The ambulance regarded Knock Out with an eye roll and stood up, ignoring the graceful white and red figure on the floor. He strode to the door, stopping only when he heard the rather loud sound of a clearing vocalizer, effectively grabbing his attention. Knock Out sat on the floor with his hand raised, silently asking to be helped up. Ratchet wanted to frown at the smug little grin on his white faceplate, but he found himself returning it in full. With a defeated sigh, he helped up his bondmate, rolling his eyes when a delicate kiss was placed on the side of his face.

"I win!" the former 'Con chuckled, moving his way out into the living room with a triumphant sway of his hips. Ratchet tailed after him, heaving out a large intake as he flopped into his favorite chair. Knock Out pranced over to where the older medic sat with two cups of energon in his talons, carefully putting himself in his bondmate's lap.

They sat in comfortable silence for a while, sipping at their energon and enjoying the morning. Knock Out's free servo found Ratchet's, and with a gentle squeeze their fingers stayed intertwined. Ratchet couldn't help feeling a tad amused at their predicament. Due to Knock Out's penchant for teasing, not to mention his own grouchy demeanor (or "grumpy" as Miko had called it), they fought quite often, and yet they were the happiest together. In the end, they were still there for one another, and they'd give the world for each other.

Plus, the bickering could be pretty fun.

"So, my darling Ratchet, are you ready for work?" the ex-'Con asked after a while, settling his faceplate into the crook of his bonded's neck cables, "Do you want to examine the Prime? Or can I do it without you getting your jealous gears in a bunch?"

"I wasn't jealous, Knock Out, how many times do I have to say it!?" he snapped, "You were just...doing it wrong is all," Ratchet argued defensively, tightening the grip on his cup in annoyance.

"Funny how I started 'messing up' the moment I commented on how nice of a protoform Optimus has. And his positively _marvelous _paint finish. Oh, and there was that matter regarding his legs, how did I describe them?" Knock Out teased. He loved playing these games with his Ratchet.

"If I recall, you called them 'delicious hunks of metal with an alluring aroma'. ...or something along those lines," Ratchet growled, averting his gaze.

A sly smirk spread across white faceplates. "The fact you remember _exactly_ what I said just proves your jealousy, darling. You found it so upsetting it was seared into your memory core," he stated matter-of-factly, his enjoyment apparent, "Oh, but don't be embarrassed, Ratchet," Knock Out purred, not providing any time for Ratchet to respond and raising his lover's face with a well-manicured talon, "I find it to be all too flattering. You can examine the Prime, and I promise to keep compliments to Megatron at a minimum. Not like there's much of anything to compliment, anyways. He's much too battle-scarred for my tastes..."

Ratchet turned his face away, finishing off his energon to hide his inner delight (and relief) before mumbling a, "Whatever you say, 'Con." Not without his own little smirk, though. The aforementioned mech followed his mate in taking his last sip of energon, savoring every last drop.

"Well then, dearly beloved...shall we go and meet our patients?"

"Oh, would you stop fussing already!" Knock Out demanded angrily, "You may be the fearsome co-emperor of Cybertron, but Primus slaggit; now that the war is over, you _have _to _actually_ listen to your _medics_, Megatron!"

"Bah!" the former warlord spat, "You act as if it's my fault you are none too gentle with your _razor sharp talons!_"

Some laughter was heard on the other side of the examination room, mainly coming from Optimus Prime himself, though a few chuckles did escape Ratchet's lip plates. However, the two ex-'Cons looked anything but amused.

"Oh, would you two mute your vocalizers," the polished little medbot hissed, "Or I swear to you both I will tear out your spinal struts with my _bare servos!_"

That shut just about everybody up; including Megatron, shockingly, though he did exchange a few humorous glances with the last of the Primes. Knock Out preoccupied himself with a rather large scar on Megatron's right pauldron, carefully tracing over it with his servo.

"Let me guess, your Lordship," he hissed, "You still want to parade this wound around like it somehow proves your 'courage' and 'power'? You do realize it's proof that you have been INJURED before, don't you?"

"I take great pride in this wound, you fool! It marks the end of two wars, and the beginning of eternal...friendships..." the warlord hissed in his usual sinister enjoyment before turning to Optimus and cracking their fists together.

"Well, at least Optimus keeps himself well maintained, Lord Megatron," the medic retorted, "His figure is taken care of, still showing traces of his younger, prettier years. His armor is scratched in that perfect balance between experience and energy, his optics are still clear and blue-"

"_Enough describing!_" Ratchet hissed, his faceplates heated in frustration. Optimus flinched as he applied just a bit too much pressure on his forearm, and delicately pat his old friend's hand, if anything, to get him to loosen his grip.

Knock Out looked shocked for but a moment, before his expression waned into that of pure malicious amusement. It was time for Knock Out to play a bit with his bondmate...just some harmless fun.

"Well, well, well, honey bunch, that was a bit excessive, don't you think?" he teased, sauntering over to his beloved, "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were just a tad _envious_...but _surely_ that can't be the case, am I right?"

Ratchet's rage induced expression tightened, obviously displeased for their private matters being brought up before his two planet's leaders. He pointedly ignored dear, obnoxious Knock Out to return to Optimus' examination. Knock Out mumbled something about Ratchet "being no fun" and continued with his own, though he tried to make a show of checking Optimus out.

"Ratchet..." the Prime spoke to his medic quietly, not wanting to start anything, "I would be perfectly alright with rescheduling until your, er...marital troubles were settled."

Ratchet shut the larger mech's arm casing with a smirk, shaking his head and wordlessly continuing. Marital troubles. Other mechs and femmes still believed they had marital troubles. Then again, he couldn't blame them, because in essence, most of their bonded life was composed of competing, arguing, teasing, fighting...but in all fairness, well...

He wouldn't have it any other way.

"Oh, sweetie pie...!" Knock Out called in a sing song voice, a victorious expression enveloping his entire frame, "Are you done yet? You're keeping Lord Megatron waiting, you know...your old age must be getting to you!"

Though, Ratchet did have to admit, sometimes their unusual relationship could be quite a bother.

Ratchet grit his teeth, mumbling something about idiotic young mechs with no respect or patience. He quickly finished welding an old scar on Optimus' side, much to the larger mech's thanks, and concluded the checkup. By the time he had finished, Knock Out was making a show of leaning against the wall and playing with his talons. He looked up with a bored expression, folding his arms with a sigh.

"_Finally_, Ratch, you take forever. Next time, just let me examine the both of them, it'll be _much_ faster."

And then he smirked. And then Ratchet lost it.

"Optimus," Ratchet barked, causing the blue and red mech's eyes to widen in surprise, "Your examination has been finished, and you're free to go. I would advise you leave with _utmost speed_."

Optimus, torn between offering wisdom or allowing them to sort it out on their own, decided to go and rejoin his friend (who was waiting for him), and get as far away from that room as possible. He felt guilty, but he knew that if he had stayed he would be caught in the middle of something he didn't quite understand.

He never really knew why they got bonded in the first place.


	2. Oh the Memories

**Chapter 2: **_**Oh the Memories….**_

**Plot: **This chapter haS A FLASHBACK GUYS ARE YOU EXCITED probably not okay

**Ships: **This chapter just has KO and Ratch so y'know

**Author's Notes: **Thanks for the reviews, they make me feel pretty (don't question my logic shhh *pets face*) and I feel a bit more secure in the quality of this story. Hopefully I can help make this ship more popular *sob*

**Warnings/Disclaimers: **uh the flashback is a bit bloody I guess but there isn't really anything too bad. And also holy crap guys I don't own anything so really don't sue me or I will slaughter a cow in a sacrificial ritual or something

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Knock Out rapidly ventilated his systems, holding a hand to his abdomen as he slouched over in pain, falling onto his knee joints soon after. Well, out of all the things he'd seen his rage-induced lover do, kneeing him in the middle was new. Perhaps today wasn't the best day to push his buttons, and he had learned that the hard way.

"W-well," he gasped out, "This is, er...new?" he fell to the floor, propping himself up on one hand.

Ratchet kneeled beside the fallen medbot, much to his own surprise, and grabbed onto his shoulders to keep him up.

"I wish I could say I was _totally_ sorry," Ratchet chuckled, helping Knock Out to sit upright, "However, the only thing I really regret is the fact I might've...scratched you a bit," he finished with a smug smirk.

Words could not describe the rage burning inside of Knock Out's ruby optics, only to completely dissolve as Ratchet delicately touched his center with a large, but gentle servo.

"It's only a small scratch, though, easy to fix," he continued with a large grin, "Primus knows you've been through _much_ worse." He raised his blue gaze, expecting to be met by a red one, only to find his bondmate was looking away.

He was pouting. Rather angrily. But this just made Ratchet's grin widen, because he knew that it just meant Knock Out was embarrassed, most likely at his lack of anger towards his assaulter. He had witnessed many facades like this before from the lovely mech. Though, Ratchet's frustration didn't usually bubble up into any physical attack.

"Alright, princess, get up," Ratchet stood while holding out a servo for the figure still on the ground, "We have other patients to attend to."

Knock Out refused to look at the extended servo, clearly embarrassed by the heat radiating off of his faceplates. However, he did take the servo offered and allowed himself to be helped up. He yipped in surprise as Ratchet pulled him into a close embrace, one dark grey servo resting on a scarlet helm, while the other rested gently at the small of his back.

"You infuriate me, Knock Out. Honestly, I can't get a moment's peace with you around," Ratchet sighed, his soft tone betraying his words.

"Well, you aren't very easy to deal with, either..." Knock Out mumbled, nevertheless wrapping his neatly polished arms around the larger mech's waist, "You're pissy and boring, and now you're apparently abusive." A small grin spread across his white lip components.

They stood like that for a little while, wordlessly embracing. It was hard for any of their friends to notice that they actually enjoyed each other's company, even though they had a vicious way of showing it. But, that was the way it had always been, and the way they wanted it to remain.

They didn't separate until Knock Out received a message that his next patient was awaiting him. The moment the ping was received, Knock Out launched himself away, an awkward smile on his faceplate as he chuckled, "Duty calls!" and sped out of the room. Ratchet rolled his eyes.

For being such a tease, it was surprisingly easy to embarrass him.

_Knock Out hissed, finding it difficult to move beneath the massive amount of dense boulders covering his less-than-beefy build. He was surprised when he heard the roar of a Quintesson fighter over his head earlier, and he barely managed to dive into a ravine before they could open fire on him. Unfortunately, they did open fire on the rocky cliffside beside him; and though the rubble crushing him did make the fighter believe he was a goner, it was painfully uncomfortable. And, on top of that, the tumble had knocked out his comm systems._

_Well, he was no use to anyone in the state he was in, and it was obvious he couldn't break out of the pile like Breakdown, or that oaf Bulkhead. He figured he had one arm free from the agonizing pain resting so brutally on his being, so he might as well try to crawl out. He was flexible enough, Primus knows. He grabbed ahold of the ground in front of him, taking a deep breath. He could do this. He was calm. He was alive. The red and white mech began to pull himself up._

_SNAP!_

_Sharp pain shot up his leg in a swirling torrent of burning agony, and the medic couldn't help but let out a loud cry of distress. His optics widened, panic obvious in his scarlet pools. _

_What was that? Something just broke, something in his leg, something important. Knock Out shut his optics, isolating his pain to try and find the source._

_Oh slag. His main energon line. His fragging main energon line just snapped in his leg. A panel in his forearm opened up, and he watched in terror as the energy slowly but steadily began to drain._

_He let out a panicked whimper, looking around frantically. He knew he couldn't move, he knew he shouldn't, but he just needed to find something, ANYTHING to let him get to his leg. However, much to his dismay, there was nothing but a rough, rocky surface placed before him. The more and more Knock Out looked, the more the landscape morphed into nothing but a tomb for the Decepticon medic. The trembling mech desperately tried his comm system again, trying to get ahold of Breakdown, Ratchet, First Aid, anybody! Much to his dismay, numbers meant nothing in the case of a broken piece of equipment, though the ceasefire did give him a longer list of contacts. Knock Out tried in vain to shove a nearby boulder away from him while calling out for help, hoping that an ally would be passing by, or better yet, looking for him._

_"Help! Please! Somebody!" he yelled, giving up the hopes of shoving any boulder away. He scanned the area for any signs of movement, any possibility that someone was coming to his rescue. He was terrified at the silence that answered his prayers._

_So he waited, panicked and trembling but totally silent. He wanted to be able to detect all possible sound, on the off-servo chance his audio receptors were greeted with the sound of pede steps in the distance. And the whole time, his optics were glued to the scanner in his forearm, his gaze fixed on his ever decreasing energy reserves._

_He shut his optics tight after a few moments of stress, coolant stinging the corners of his optics as his swirling emotions caused his faceplates to overheat. He was terrified, but it appeared as if there was nothing he could do. No one was coming, his energon was escaping from his bent and broken frame, and it seemed as if fate had decided he was to join the Well of All Sparks. Or the Pit. Neither option seemed very enticing._

_"KNOCK OUT!"_

_The Decepticon's crimson orbs shot open wide, hearing the familiar voice of the old Autobot medic._

_"KNOCK OUT! For the love of Primus, WHERE ARE YOU!?"_

_"Ratchet...!" the Con responded, his voice carrying less strength than he wanted, "I-I'm over here, Ratchet..."_

_The loud stomp of pedes grew closer and closer, soon follwed by the sound of metal sliding down a wall of rock. The Autobot ran around the boulders and knelt down in front of the 'Con's exposed helm, his blue optics flashing with worry._

_"What's the damage?" he demanded, his voice gruff and panicked. Knock Out smiled internally, feeling a strange sense of relief at not being the only frightened one. _

_"It appears as if...my leg's main energon line has been...er, ruptured...energon reserves are, well...emptying..." he murmured, the loss of energon making his processor irritably sluggish._

_Ratchet took in a sharp intake through his vents, optics wide and frightened. He looked around, moving to the side of rubble that was crushing the red 'Con's legs. The old medic began to try his best to shove the boulders off, comming the base for immediate assistance. Knock Out couldn't quite make out the details. _

_"Knock Out," the white 'Bot barked as soon as he finished messaging base, "I-I need you to keep talking to me, alright? You know the drill."_

_The Decepticon snorted, the sound coming out weak and sluggish. "And what, pray tell...do you want me to say...?"_

_"Ugh, ANYTHING! Talk about something that won't give you time to shut up! All I need is to know you're conscious!" he demanded, pulling off rubble to the best of his ability._

_"Well," Knock Out sighed quietly, "I could talk about...Breakdown...? The fine art of paint detailing...?" He hesitated, his slow processor struggling to think of good topics. "...I could talk about you?" The red medic tentatively flicked his optics back, attemtping to catch a glimpse of the older mech._

_Ratchet was fairly preoccupied, though he did have the courtesy to at least grunt a response. Knock Out couldn't suppress the soft chuckle that escaped his vocalizer, and he glanced back at his dropping energy levels._

_"You're...very odd, Ratchet," Knock Out mused, "Here you are...giving your all to save me...but you and I both know you're going to...regret it when the ceasefire ends..." Knock Out winced as another particularly sharp arrow of wrenching pain shot up his spinal struts._

_"Oh, you think so?" Ratchet managed to breathe out before trying to push a slab of stone that was much too large for him to handle._

_"You're right..." Knock Out chuckled cynically, glancing at his depleted energy levels, "It looks like I'm nearing the end anyways..."_

_He could hear Ratchet drop what he was doing to rush over and face the 'Con once more. His optics burned blue with a ferocious determination as he knelt down once more, pulling an energon cube out of subspace._

_"You. Are going. To make it," he stated roughly, leaving no room to argue, "Now drink. Help is on the way."_

_Knock Out blinked lazily at the medbot in mild bewilderment before taking the cube in his clawed hand and gulping down the whole thing. When he finished it his scarlet orbs rose to meet aqua and he mumbled, "It's a waste, you know...putting this energon in me, only for it to leak out...why don't you use it for something more...useful?"_

_A shockingly feral snarl graced Ratchet's grey lips. "I AM using it for something useful, do you undertsand what would happen if we lost one of our best medics!?"_

_"Our?" Knock Out sneered, "Don't you mean one of the Decepticons' best medics...?"_

_Ratchet scoffed, relaxing a bit when he received a ping that reinforcements were on their way. He rolled his optics before sighing, "You never cease to be a pain in my rear axle, Knock Out."_

_The aforementioned 'Con chuckled, only to have it die down. A frown slowly crept across his white faceplate, his optics becoming desolate and hollow. He silently, tentatively found Ratchet's servo with his own, squeezing tight. Knock Out cursed himself silently, infuriated that his servos were shaking. _

_He was terrified. He could hide behind a sarcastic facade all he wanted, take deep intakes to try and calm his nerves, but the raw fear was eating at the back of his processor. The more time that passed, the more his brave mask seemed to become less important. If he did fade away before help arrived, which seemed more likely with another glance to his draining energy levels, he at the very least didn't want it to happen alone and in terror. He had always dreamt of his passing in the arms of the mech he loved, but he neither had a lover nor was he wrapped in any arms (rather, a large pile of rock). He felt somewhat relieved, though, to have a hand to hold on to. He figured, given the circumstances, that was enough._

_"Knock Out..." the Autobut mumbled, tightening his grip on his colleague's servo, "You're acting like this is the end."_

_"Isn't it?"_

_"...no," Ratchet grumbled, squeezing the servo in his own tighter while reaching for another cube of energon in his subspace, "Help is on the way, and I'm not letting you offline on me if I have anything to say about it."_

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FLASHBACK okay but that isn't the whole story of how they came to be bondmates. There will be more flashbacks in the future, that's basically how I'm gonna explain how their relationship came to be and all that...please review and give me feedback, even if it's to tell me HOW BAD THIS SUCKS or something 3 3 3


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